The different types of perfectionism and how to best deal with them

When high standards become relentless, they can lead to perfectionism and create behaviors that actually prevent you from achieving your goals and enjoying your time studying.

Relentless standards among high-achieving students

Perfectionism is the excessive application of high standards of excellence. In today's society, there are many misconceptions about perfectionism and its relationship with excellence, many of which you may have already come to know on your way to college. You may have been rewarded by parents and teachers for setting extremely high standards and working tirelessly to achieve them, even at the expense of your wellbeing. This external reinforcement of unrealistic standards of perfection, although often well-intentioned (they want you to be successful and achieve great things!) , can easily turn into an unhealthy obsession with achievement that carries over to university.

Now, however, the tough demands of your lectures or exercises and the high level of achievement of your fellow students can often mean that the strategies that made you successful in school are no longer sustainable. The relentless perfection that once led to praise can result in you as a student missing deadlines, rubbing away the smallest details from assignments, and affecting your well-being. Perfectionists often struggle to moderate their behavior not because they enjoy the feeling of struggling for high standards, but because they believe they must continue to be perfect in order to be successful and accepted by others. In fact, the opposite is often the case: students who learn to be realistic (not low!) Developing standards for themselves often see the quality of their work and relationships improve.

Scientists have identified three types of perfectionism:

Self-oriented perfectionism

Self-oriented perfectionism includes unrealistically high standards focused on one's own performance and abilities. Self-oriented perfectionists tend to be hypercritical of their own mistakes and find it difficult to let go of work that doesn't meet their exact standards.

foreign-oriented perfectionism

External-oriented perfectionism includes unrealistically high standards for others' performance and abilities. Externally oriented perfectionists often expect others to complete tasks without errors, even with little communication about their desired results, and are excessively bothered by mistakes that others make in group work.

Socially prescribed perfectionism

Regardless of what type of perfectionism you have, there are some typical behaviors that accompany these beliefs. They often go unnoticed by students for various reasons, including the inaccurate naming of the behavior (“I haven't checked my problem set excessively! I was just thorough!”) to the assumption that they actually speak against perfectionism (“A true perfectionist wouldn't procrastinate! They would always be on time with everything!”).

Behaviors that are often rooted in perfectionism:

Deferring, Avoiding, Excessive Reviewing, Seeking Reinsurance, Overcompensation, Repeating and Correcting, Excessive Organizing and Making Lists, Difficulty Deciding, Giving Up Too Early, Not Knowing When to Stop, Correct, Refrain from Delegating, etc.

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How to best deal with your perfectionism

Finally, it's important to understand that dealing with perfectionism is a journey and not an immediate destination. It's about finding a healthy balance between high standards and realistic expectations. Here are a few tips that may help you:

1. Accept imperfection: Acknowledge that mistakes are unavoidable and an essential part of the learning process. They provide valuable opportunities to grow and learn.
2. Set realistic goals: Define goals that are challenging but achievable. Avoid overwhelming yourself with unrealistic expectations.
3. Prioritize your wellbeing: Make sure you set aside enough time for relaxation and activities that you enjoy. The balance between work and leisure is crucial for long-term success and personal wellbeing.
4. Practice self-compassion: Be patient and self-indulgent. Self-compassion can help calm the harsh inner critics that often go hand in hand with perfectionism.
5. Challenge your mind: If you find yourself setting unrealistic standards for yourself, question those thoughts. Replace them with more realistic and constructive views.
6. Set limits: Learn to say 'no' or delegate tasks to avoid overwork. Setting limits is an important step to protect yourself from excessive stress and burnout.
7. Seek support: Don't hesitate to seek help from friends, family, or professional counselors if you feel that perfectionism is affecting your quality of life.

Feel free to be inspired by these suggestions and try out different strategies to better deal with your perfectionism. Remind yourself that progress is more important than perfection and be understanding with yourself when it takes time until the pressure of perfectionism slowly eases and makes you more relaxed. Good luck!

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